walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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