Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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