Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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