Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
