Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
