Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
