Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
