Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize