I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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