I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
