some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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