WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize