I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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