Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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