i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
