Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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