She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I forget how to act sober
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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