so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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