I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
