I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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