Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
