bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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