Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This baby is an asshole
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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