Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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