Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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