Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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