Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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