yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is glitter all over my balls
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
