I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
