I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
