road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
