Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
