I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
