11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
