I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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