well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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