took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
