Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
