you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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