Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
