I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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