the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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