I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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