i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize