I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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