it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dicks are not precious.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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