So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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