your parents love me but you hate me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
