Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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