Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't notice because vodka
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
