and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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