How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
