a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
