I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
