If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
