My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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