I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
