So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
