at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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