Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
