Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
