ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
