I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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