Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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