She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
