just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
