My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
