how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
