He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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