I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
