Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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