Whod you bang
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
