I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
