Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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