I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
